I’ve been done with school now for almost a week and I’ve been enjoying the life without school, even with the crazyness of the holidays. That last week was particularily intense (not because finals week usually is. It actually is usually one of the easier weeks for me because all of the performance classes have already finished up and don’t have finals.) because I have been making some life decisions about school and what I want out of it.
As many of you know, the last term, or more has been difficult for me at times. I have gone back and forth about whether or not grad school was really the best choice and if it was going to reap the return I expected. Actually, not really reap returns I expect, but reap returns equal to the blood, sweat and tears (especially tears) I was putting into it. I am still undecided about the benefits, but overall I know I need a break. So that’s what I’m going to do, take a break from school.
The fact is I am interested in teaching violin, and the school is getting in the way of that dream more than it has been benefiting. I have known this for a long time now, but have tried my hardest to tell myself that I would be done soon and I just needed to push through.
However, I’m not going to be done soon. I spent last year working toward the pedagogy part of my degree, and for many reasons (many that I do not feel disclosing here, but if you really want to know you can get ahold of me) didn’t decide to continue in that program. That left me getting a whole masters degree in one year, or spreading it out longer. Since I couldn’t bear the thought of going on longer, I wanted to squish it all together into one intense year, but that hasn’t worked too well. My unhappiness with school has become impossible to ignore, and some things really help you see things clearly. After reading that post, and bawling every time I looked at it, I realized there would be no pushing through, there had to be change.
The thought is that this is only a break, and I will go back and finish it, probably gradually piece by piece. I feel really good about this decision, and am really looking forward to building my career as a musician and a teacher.